Nothing like waiting two years...

So the way that I've run this blog makes absolutely no sense. Then again, I don't make sense...

Which brings me to why I'm finally updating my blog.

The last time I wrote, I was sending my love off to war. I was saying goodbye to the only man that I've ever loved. And he came back, in one piece. Mostly.

He came home with PTSD. Yes, it's common and that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. He came home angry and scared and closed off and DIFFERENT. And I'm different.

It's been a year and a half since he came home, and things have not been the same. We're not the same couple we used to be. We're not the same people we used to be.

We've both started grad school, I'll officially be an MA MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) soon. I see clients, and I specialize in military couples and trauma/PTSD. So why can't I get my own stuff together? Why is my relationship falling apart?

Please don't get me wrong.
I love him, and I will always love him. I'm calling a therapist for us to start seeing tomorrow, because I can't handle this.

I just don't know anymore...

Holding on tight...

So I don't really know where to begin.

I'm Caitie. But how do I define myself? I'll say it the best way I know how:
I'm in love. I'm a Marine Corps girlfriend.

Some people think that you shouldn't let your relationships define who you are. This is true, in most cases. But we aren't most people. Neither are any of my fellow USMC gals. We don't have typical relationships, we don't fall in love the same way most people do. It's not the same feeling when a civilian boyfriend comes home from work and cuddles on the couch beside you. We wait and pray and hope to God that nothing bad happens to them. This has been said over and over, repeated so many times that even we get tired of hearing it. But it's the truth. It can never be compared to a weekend business trip or a summer away from each other. It's just not the same, and will never be the same.
I can't spend every waking moment with my boyfriend Kirk. Why? Because he leaves. He's missed my birthday every year since we started dating. He's also missed every anniversary in 4 years of dating.

If you're not a Marine Corps girlfriend/fiance/wife, you probably now think that I am insane. You might think it crazy that I have spent every summer of my college career without the man that I love. You might see me as a lunatic when I tell you that I'll soon be dealing with him leaving for Afghanistan. You might worry about the fact that I constantly wait for the man that I love, wrecking my nerves and causing me to break down.

But that's our life. We wait, we pray, and we love each other all the more for it. That's our promise.

I'm sorry to be so depressing on my first post. It's been a long night without him. He's been gone since early May, and though I try to be strong and I try to keep up a tough facade, sometimes I do get incredibly sad.

Praying for my Marine, and all of my USMC gals...